The Normalization of Strength, Struggle, and “Hard Work”​ of Black women and the Need to shift the needle to a softer life of receiving!

Well mommas…I’m burning the midnight oil as the last kiddos just lie down to bed at 11:03pm. My morning routine begins at 5:30am, so chop chop, let’s get this convo started.

Hello my fellow mommies and welcome to MOMs R The B.O.M.B.com! Today’s topic is one that I experience personally as an African American Mom in the US; burnout and the normalizing of “Doing” and “Penetrating” and “Going Hard” and “leading Strong” as a Black working mom! The sentence alone is exhausting! I would love to be given the permission to simply “Rest” and “Receive” and “Balance my competing priorities from a place of “FULL”fillment and peace” and “lead in my Femininity”- quite the oxymoron, right? I mean, how do you do that?

In a society and culture that expects Black women to exude and constantly walk in this supernatural strength, being told in spaces from our White counterparts, “Of honey, you are so strong!” or “I wish I had half as much strength as you!” or “I couldn’t do it!” What about the internal pressures that stem from within our own culture that started with “Big-momma” who held the entire family down, many times absent from a husband/father. Or what about being expected to watch your younger siblings growing up while momma went to her second and/or third job. Or what about the pressure to ALWAYS performing with the expectation to excel academically as the first-generation college graduate who would become the model for greatness. Or what about watching other women within our family model toxic “ride-or-die” love that taught you to put the needs of others before your own. Or what about growing up in a single mother household with a mom who was forced to choose between provision or quality-time, disciplinarian or nurturer. Not to mention any sign of weakness was tagged as unnecessary, a waste of time, “suck it up butter cup” mentality, or “chop chop, there’s no time for tears” let’s go (so guilt-OMG) as we speed through life, forfeiting all opportunities to create lasting memories. Our family of origin helped shape us into the hard-working women and moms today. Though we appreciate our culture, we contend with an inner knowing that something is a bit off and we are left to be the trailblazers in rediscovering what it means to create a new normal, against an upward tide that challenges our innate desire to simply rest and be cared for!

So, as I began my journey right at 40 years old to shift my focus from penetrating to receiving, I discovered that the road least driven was still necessary for me to lead a legacy for my daughter to relearn that burnout is NOT the norm…it WILL not be her portion! It starts with me in creating a space for ME to rediscover the path to a less rigorous and fast-paced life that values self-care and a reprogramming of thought that taking care of others at the detrimental expense of self is not only okay but encouraged and championed!

Ladies, I have found that this “superwoman” lifestyle has spilled over into the workplace as we work tirelessly to prove that we belong, experience microaggressions, and imposter syndrome, only capitalizing on a fraction of salary and recognition that our White counterparts receive. Despite the fact the Black women are the most educated group in the United States and leading contenders in entrepreneurial endeavors, there is still a need to find self and re-present to the world the feminine version and less “dogged-out” work mule that most accept. We are killing it, while we are killing ourselves!!! (exhale with a sigh of exhaustion)

So, how do we navigate these muddy waters as working moms trying to shift from Struggleena to Softer Sophia? We begin with an honest self-assessment and instead of society, cultural norms, and workplace skewed expectations being the measuring stick that we look to as validation and acceptance of success, we BEGIN AGAIN!

As a believer of Jesus Christ, I personally use biblical principles to help reshape my perspective. Not religion, but relationship with my Creator to gain wisdom and insight into how He sees me and to help shape how I show up for me!! Since the Lord knows me best, it was essential for me to return to the One who designed me. I had to read the Owner’s manual (Bible) to gradually change my mental, emotional, psychological, and spiritual software to understand how I was created, why I was created, and what I should do to ensure my life here on earth reflects the true essence of His plan and purpose for my life.

I initially thought that including exerts from journal articles, stats from peer-reviewed articles, and sites, in order to support my perspective on mommy burnout amongst Black working moms, would reenforce and validate my writing. Then I realized that as an Educator who truly loves stats, the reality is, my knowledge of burnout as a Black woman needs no added proof. My undone life and the shared experiences from other mommies across the globe, both near and far, are living example of the effects of such. So, the only evidence that has worked and holds weight that can shift my total life is the Word of God. I FINALLY found proof that a life of balance and self-care and health is not an afterthought to God but is something that He has given me permission to dive deep into.

Here it is ladies…in black and white print. And it reads:

3 John 1:2 “Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers.”

Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

Isaiah 40:31 “But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 “Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.” – Messenger Bible version-

Mark 12:30-31 “And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second [command] is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

So, mommas…what are your thoughts??? Though this post highlights my perspective on Black working moms, I realize all moms share in similar struggles to find balance to fight against burnout. We must value self, enough to walk out life rather than run through to the finish line!

Signed,

Monique Jameison, Founder and CEO

Moms R The B.O.M.B.com (burnt Out Mommy Blog)