“The Cape Was Never Mine”

By Monique J. Jameison

Black fatherlessness leaves urban communities in ruin because there is an unrealistic expectation that we can do it without you! In fact, we need you!

Broken hearts and ignorance give us the illusion that your covering is an option! It’s actually required to keep the thief of despair from robbing our uncovered homes, leaving us with scraps, forcing us to do more with less! Using “The System” as a crutch that will keep us permanently disabled! As we sit in despair realizing that the very men we need to save us, too, need saving! So we suffer!

Picking up the cape you dropped on the ground! Only picking it up to fit the narrative of “Strong Black Woman”! But I don’t want that title! It’s too heavy to carry! It doesn’t even fit and is suffocating the little girl who only desires to be covered! So my cries and weeping lessen. Life goes on because I got a job to do! The kids can’t raise themselves, so I abort the role of nurturer, teacher, soft place to land. I pick up the role of protector, provider, fighter, leader of my home. My femininity is now overshadowed by my duty that came with wearing his cape! But I can’t afford to put it down now! Who will be my protection? So I grow silent!

Silence speaks louder than the guns piercing through the streets at night, bold enough to even veer its ugly head by day! Aching hearts masked by the pursuit of the latest trend and the need for Air Jordan’s by any means necessary! Yet not realizing that there is a crippling need for financial literacy, greater a sense of awareness that something is truly broken.

Only the opening of one’s eyes will we realize that the need for covering will only suffice! Again, poverty never starts at sight of rubbished and unclean streets but within the perplexed minds of a people who dare not fight… against the normalization that women and children in urban spaces are strong enough and equipped enough to carry a burden not even Jesus co-signs!

We are to be covered by a strength that true masculinity brings! Strong arms! Bass voices! A resilience that says if I must die then let me die by trying; to cover the woman, sons, and daughters by first wiping their tears that have been buried deep and masked with anger, false strength, and the need to pick up our cape from the ground to wear it proudly to do the job only fit for a King! Then rebuild trust brick by brick, lay each layer carefully; consisting of trauma recovery, job security, mindset reshaping, consistency, and a willingness to STAND in the mirror and accept the hard truths that the little boy in you needs healing and it’s only done in community!

Men sharpen men! Iron sharpens iron! So NO, I will NOT be your “ride or die,” your “Bonnie and Clyde”! In fact, now I need rest! From years of survival-mode and stress and wounds from fighting battles were never mine to fight. So if I show up tired believe me!

In a world that champions my ability to penetrate rather than receive; I cancel that subscription! I now subscribe to “The Woman Becoming.” A version of me I have yet to see but anticipate nothing but good things! So if my process is messy, HOLD ME! If my journey of recovery still shows up as armor, just know I’m trying! A safe place that affords cultivating new mental software, rediscovering the little girl that was forced into silence will peek out to check for safety and when consistent love answers the door she will answer! Only then will you see the new, the reframed, the woman God originally designed her to be!

Only then will the two become one!

Fathers returning to the homes! Mothers returning to her position! Kids resilient enough to fall into order and then and only then will the urban community see a change in its dynamic!

In the meantime, personally, my story mirroring the story of Jesus dead in a borrowed tomb. The song so eloquently states, “But that’s not how the story ends for in three days He rose again! That’s Love! That’s Love!” It repeats over and over and over again! As a declaration and a proclamation that hope comes from dead situations — we too shall rise again!

As a divorced mom of three, this is my decree, “But that’s not how the story ends for in three days He rose again! That’s Love! That’s Love!” A love that matches His relationship with the Church shall find me! Until then, I trust God to be my covering; giving me divine strategy to parent under a design He never intended, I am hopeful that His mercy and His grace is sufficient!

In the meantime, my anchor is secure that He shall supply all of my needs richly and abundantly — I lack no good thing!

Oh, but my Boaz, honey, is on the horizon, my faith securely trusting in the vision I cannot see naturally, but my spirit feels it so wonderfully! So until he reaches me, my confidence is in the One who leads and guides me! In His strength alone I patiently wait for my king, my “Strong Black Woman” cape taken off at Calvary! Jesus, cover me until he comes. I admit my story is wrapped in my journey of “The Woman Becoming”! Yes, my subscription is at least two years old now, so no need to feel shame for admitting my need for COVERING!!! Until he comes, I’m secure in Him who says, “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6.

Signed,

Monique’s Moments