Holy and Horny vs Holy and Whole – God’s Plan for sexual purity after Divorce!

Hey momma’s!!!

Sooooo, why did no one tell me about the sexual urges that remain after the divorce??? I’m waiting!!! (wink) I feel like I woke up one morning and was slapped with a burst of sexual energy that I could NOT explain. I felt completely frustrated and knew that I did not have license to satisfy! So, what’s a girl to do??? This was the question and journey that I took a few months after my divorce.

Initially after my divorce, I felt completely numb to any emotions which scared me as an empath. However, it was during this season that I was singularly focused on graduate school and parenting my littles. Then, I experienced anger. Unfortunately, my kiddos and I had to walk together and show one another lots of grace as this was our default when emotions were high, and we didn’t have the words to share the raw emotions we had during this new season. I eventually moved to the acceptance phase, realizing that the marriage was over, and internally divorced the picture in my head and heart of what my family unit was and would be in the future. Messy and all, I began to externally position our new family unit differently.

I finally moved to sadness and my emotions returned. I began to feel again. I became emotional about every little thing, but a part of me was happy to feel somewhat normal as I returned to the familiar. I became passionate about the work I was doing on my job and seemed to express myself and advocate for others, treating each moment as if I were fighting for me. I vowed that I would no longer be silent and mute, determined that this point forward, I would say “YES” to me and show up for me to make up for the times past where other voices were more important.

Interestingly enough, this same passion and emotion spilled over into my personal life. Only this time, I had no idea what to do when feelings of passion, desire, and pure hormonal ups and down that all women feel, seemed to bulldoze its way into every intruding thought. With no outlet to release or provide fulfillment, I grew sexually frustrated…ladies, this is so a thing! Again…what’s a girl to do! Afterall, as a Christian woman, I was solid on my belief that sex outside of marriage and self-pleasure were sins according to biblical truth. I feared God more than my own desires, but quickly became even more frustrated and admittedly angry that my license for sexual pleasure had expired! I quickly thought to myself, “Why hadn’t I heard this topic explored in the church?” “I know that I am not the first woman on planet Earth to struggle with competing sexual desires and a desire to also be pleasing to a Holy and righteous God.” One thing I knew for sure is that I did not want to live a life of sexual frustration or enter sexual sin and dishonor God and my body. I was confident from times past that the Lord would meet me right in the middle of my need.

So, as usual, in route to work, driving on the highway, with tears in my eyes and a heart of desperation, I began to talk to God and shared the intimate details of my heart. I shared real emotions, real feelings, my true disappointment, and my fear of not being able to experience this type of fulfillment ever again. The loving Father that He is, I was met with His peace and calm. It’s as if He wiped my tears as His daughter and reassured me of His unwavering love and care of me. It was from that shifted place that I believe the Lord challenged me. I could either live a life of frustration as a woman who is Holy and Horny, only experiencing God on occasion…OR…I could trust the Lord in all of His sovereignty that with His help, I could live a life of fulfillment as a woman who is Holy and Whole. I chose the latter!

The fundamental difference between being Holy and Horny versus being Holy and Whole is trusting God to satisfy our longings through daily walking with Him and casting all of our cares on Him because He cares for us. This very action requires a committed relationship with Jesus. By the way, this is the same Jesus in the Bible who met the Samaritan woman at the well. The Samaritan woman was thirsty and decided to go to the well for a drink of water to quench her thirst. Baaaaby, I can relate to this sista, cause I was thirsty too!!! LBVVS…The interesting thing is that she was looking for water, not Jesus. Yet, He found her while she was searching for water that would satisfy her natural thirst but would leave her yearning for more! With no judgement, but knowledge of her entire situation, compassion for her current state of mind, and a solution for her longing, he proposed to her this, according to John 4:13-14, “¹³ Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, ¹⁴ but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” In other words, her longing would NEVER be 100% satisfied because the water in her possession is temporary. In addition, Jesus also invited her husband with her so that He could experience the goodness of the Lord through their encounter at the well. Jesus asked her to go get him. Baby, according to John 4:17, she lied to Jesus saying, ¹⁷ “I have no husband.” Jesus being all knowing replied, “You are right when you say you have no husband. ¹⁸ The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.” Baaaaaby, Jesus read her entire situation from top to bottom, left to right. It was in that moment that the Samaritan woman knew that He was different and could provide her more than the natural water she was seeking as well as the longing and cravings that she apparently found in men. Baby she had been married five times and the man she was living with wasn’t even her husband! This situation proved to me that though I longed to be seen, heard, valued, and touched by a man through sexual pleasure, it was something that was not completely satisfied; only Jesus could provide me with the fulfillment that I so desperately needed. Mathematically speaking, If Jesus satisfies 100% of the time and sexual fulfillment is temporary, then, I can live without one and not the other.

Ladies, the One who ultimately fulfills all of our longings is Jesus! It was from that realization, during that long drive in to work that cool fall morning, I was reassured that He knows what is best for me. So, until the Lord sends my king, and even after I enter my kingdom marriage, He will remain the Lover of my soul! So, if I must refrain from sexual pleasure for a season, it is ONLY in Him that I will be 100% satisfied! Afterall, my sexual purity is my portion because my body does not belong to me. According to 1 Corinthians 6:18-20, “¹⁸ Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. ¹⁹ Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; ²⁰ you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.“

Mommas, in your own time, I challenge us to read the entire story of the Samaritan woman in the Book of John, chapter 4. This very encounter with Jesus strengthened me for the current journey as a divorced momma of 3 who is determined to live a life that is Holy and Whole!

En Christ,

Monique’s Moments