Daughter In The Waiting Room

Hey mommas…

It’s been quite some time since I’ve posted! So I write…

This past week was emotionally very very tough for me! God knew what I needed. Every still moment filled with grief and emotions that would overtake then subside! You know, when God says “no” and tells you to close a door, especially when you are perfectly content with the door swung wide opened, it’s still important to obey! Why? Because “obedience is better than sacrifice.” And as much as I know the word of God, my humanness and loving heart was very sad. Throughout the week, my mom and friends checked on me, not really understanding the totality of my aching heart. But in moments of stillness and when I was alone (when I was not sleeping because thats what I really wanted to do 🤷🏽‍♀️) my mind wondered and lingered. Honey I havent been this emotional EVER! 😳🫣

Anywho…last night, I was processing through writing and expressing my feelings of grief and loss. I was so honest about the place I was in! I expressed that, “I felt cheated!!!” “I felt like I was SICK of always taking the high road and doing whats right!” 🙄 “Im always thinking about whats the best for others and never value or prioritize what I want!” 😒 I even questioned whether I heard God speak to my situation(s) or am I self-sabotaging or allowing fear of the unknown to lead my path! (Honey, I’ve made quite a few “obedience moves” over the past few years and am still in the waiting room, hoping Im next in line for what Im believing God for as Ive stepped out on faith and am swimming in deep waters with no life vest on! Dont judge me, im just a girly who is believing God in the dark🤦🏽‍♀️😬.) I digress…

Well, I was beyond overwhelmed last night, to the point of feeling anxiety and stress in my back! I had a full day and it is too much to go down the laundry list of events but just know my car stopped mid-drive while my son was behind the wheels. Eventually all was well. But in that moment, I had just decided to trust God (for the 10 millionth time about the same situation) and dont doubt! I sent up a sacrficial praise of several “Hallelujahs”! Then I get a video call from him that sent every bit of praise out the window! Standing in the bathroom mirror with tears in my eyes, I muscled out the smallest “hallelujah anyhow” while my mind raced trying to figure out what to do and getting dressed for the day at approximately 3pm in the afternoon. 😩

Fast forward…

I just needed presence and I felt stress in my body in a way I haven’t felt in years! Then shortly after midnight, my daddy called! “Hey daddy’s big baby! I know it’s late. Couldn’t reach my grandboys. You probably sleep aren’t you?” I wanted to say, “honey, you have no clue?!?!” But like my jolly and “happy” self I continued the call and he did most of the talking. Within 5-minutes of the call, 100% of my stress left! I found myself giggling and experiencing moments of laughter, but mostly, I found REST!

God in ALL of His sovereignty, used the presence of my natural father, as a symbol of His spiritual presence, to remind me that He’s ALWAYS there! As my daddy continued to talk, I began to drift asleep because I found safety and covering there! There’s NOTHING like a daddy’s love and presence, especially when protection and comfort is needed! 🥹 So daddy, thank you for ALWAYS showing up!

Greater, Heavenly Father, THANK YOU for ALWAYS being a “very present help in times of trouble.” Thank you for ALWAYS being patient and kind and loving and sitting with me in my mess! Your love is my anchor! Your Word is “a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.” And for this alone, I render LOUD, “Hallelujah anyhow”, trusting that “the work you started in me, will be completed.” Philippians 1:6

Signed,

A daughter in the waiting room